The Cat's Meow
by AriRunner9523
Summary: Things are looking up for Rave in college, until he crosses a witch and gets turned into a cat. Just one of those days. What happens when Nat is the only one who can help Rave back to normal? Nave. Side KevEdd. Probably no smut so rated T. NOW COMPLETE!
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: Hello my lovelies! This story combines two loves of mine: Yaoi and KITTIES! Sometimes I sit around and wonder what it would be like to wake up as a cat, and thus, this story was born. And yes, I do have too much time on my hands ^-^

Chapter 1

There are three things you need to know about James "Rave" Bartlett. He's abrasive, too prideful to apologize for being abrasive, and in quite a bit of trouble. You see, he's a cat. He was turned into a cat, and the only way he can get back to normal is with the help of Nathan Goldberg, the most irritating person he's ever met.

Let me start from the beginning.

_~Five Days Ago~_

Rave sat in drama class at the state university that crisp autumn morning. He thought going to college as a drama major would be more exciting, but three weeks of lectures from a less than interesting professor proved otherwise. He brought his pen to his lips, chewing on it as he willed the professor to say something along the lines of "Today, instead of just talking about it, we shall really act."

"Today, instead of just talking about it, we shall really act," the professor announced.

Rave sat up. Score one for wishful thinking. Or luck.

The tall, grey-haired Professor Laurenston continued, "Outside our door is independent film director Anderson LaBrey." He paused, letting everyone get their excitement out of their systems. Even Rave let out a gasp. Anderson LaBrey is a master of psychological thrillers. "He is looking for young, talented unknowns to star in his new movie, The Mirror Room. Five, to be exact." He turned to call out the door. "Mr. LaBrey, you can come in now."

Very few people had ever seen Anderson LaBrey. He's very secluded; he had all pages and pictures of him taken down. That being said, no one really expected a twenty-three-year-old, Johnny-Depp-looking man enter the room. He was barely older than the students in the room, and he was already quite successful and absolutely genius.

"Hello all," he said in an English accent. "I'm quite thrilled to be here today. I'm sure your professor informed you of my intentions, and I shall elaborate. The movie will be emotionally challenging, as I'm sure all of you could figure out on your own assuming you've seen my other films. I need a male lead, a male antagonist, and then two females and another male for supporting roles. If you're interested, I've brought scripts. Auditions are exactly two weeks from now. Good luck to you."

He set a stack of scripts down on Laurenston's desk, and was gone just like that. The professor quickly jumped out of the way as the class swarmed to get a script. Rave just about ripped a girl's hair out trying to get past the mob. Script in hand, a grin spread across his face as he returned to his seat. Finally, the college life he imagined had begun.

* * *

"Caramel latte for a...um...Jake Bardell?"

Rave snarled and stomped up to the counter to retrieve his drink. "It says James Bartlett, you ignoramus! Didn't anyone teach you to read?"

"Sorry, jeez," the barista muttered. "Your script is hard to read, man."

"Fuck you," Rave muttered as he walked over to a table.

He laid his bag next to him, digging out Anderson's script to begin reading it. The actor had to see what sort of role he'd be playing if he got the part. Or rather when, Rave thought cockily.

"I feel like that guy messes your name up on purpose."

Rave turned his head to see Nathan Goldberg standing next to the table, leaning against it as he grinned at the other. "Hasn't he butchered your name like a million times already?"

The actor scoffed. This guy again.

Nat often came up to Rave when he saw him. He didn't bother attempting to hide his crush. That, paired with the fact that he came on quite strong, made him quite the nuisance in Rave's eyes.

"Yeah," the taller said icily. "But I'd still prefer him over you. Didn't I tell you to stay the fuck away from me? You're always fucking bothering me. Fuck OFF!"

Like always, Nat just smiled warmly, and walked away. What annoyed Rave the most was that he never took offense to anything he said. The teal-haired student just smiled like all was right with the world and did as he was asked. It was far too much sunshine for the brooding, violet-headed prince-of-darkness.

With a huff of disdain, he put the script away and made his way to his room.

* * *

Clutching his bag close, Rave groaned as he hurried through the rain. A minute into his walk, it had started pouring. Oh, how Rave had cursed the universe.

He stopped in his tracks upon hearing a meow. A grey kitten huddled under a park bench, soaked and shivering. He picked her up, cradling her against his chest as he scanned her for a collar. Finding a tag upon the light blue collar, he squinted to read the address. 345 Hudson Street. He cursed; that was out of his way and it would take him even longer to get to his dorm. Rave shook his head. He couldn't just leave the poor cat. He broke into a run, hoping whoever owned this cat would lend him an umbrella or dry clothes.

* * *

Rave found the address, staring at the eerie doorknocker adorning the large out-of-place Victorian front door. He sighed, and knocked. The rain had long-since stopped, but he was still freezing in his soaked clothing. The kitten was huddled comfortably in the crook of his elbow.

A woman answered the door. She was in her forties, but she'd aged well. She was radiant, with wavy black hair and crystal blue eyes.

"May I help you?" she asked.

"I, uh, have your cat," Rave said, presenting the kitten. "I found her at the college campus."

The woman smirked as she took the cat in her arms, an action that left Rave somewhat unsettled. "Thank you, young man. What is your name?"

"James," Rave answered.

"James," she tested the name on her tongue. "I am Adeline. I would like to repay you. I grant you good fortune in your life. Good day." She closed the door.

Rave raised an eyebrow, turning to walk away. "I would've preferred a coat or something. Nutcase."


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: Yes, Fomalhaut, this was the story I was talking about.

Chapter 2

Rave enjoyed walking around town while learning lines. The fresh air and physical stimulation really helped his ability to absorb dialogue.

"'If I could put myself into someone else's body, well...I wouldn't. I like myself too much, are you crazy?'" he stopped and glanced at the script. "'Maybe you should try it, Kingsley. God knows you need an escape from your multiple personalities. Who's yelling at you inside your head this time?' Good grief, Russell is a douche."

The actor, nose stuck in his script sipping his coffee, was about to cross the street. Of course, as we all know, failure to pay attention to your surroundings can result in a grave mishap. That is, unless someone is there at just the right time.

Just as he was about to cross the street, he was stopped in his tracks by a hand clutching the back of his jacket. An oncoming car flew by, and Rave gulped; he could've been flattened by that.

He turned to address his savior. "Hey, thanks. I really should've been watching where I was-"

_Of course, it was Nat. That figures._

"-going."

"Hey don't mention it dollface," the teal head grinned. "I'm sure you wouldn't be near as pretty with your guts caught on some guy's fender."

Rave grimaced. "That's a morbid thought. Thanks anyway, I guess. You're not so bad."

Nat's eyes twinkled. "Fuck yeah. I'm great. So how about dinner? I'm the hero after all. The damsel should do whatever the hero asks. You owe me your life, fair maiden."

The actor blew a strand of hair out of his face, and glared. "I change my mind. You're still my least favorite person."

The teal head's smile faltered. "Oh, come on, Rave. I was just messing around. Why do you gotta be such a sourpuss? You're gonna get wrinkles on that pretty face if it's stuck in a perpetual frown."

"Stop that! I am _not_ pretty! For fuck's sake, I'm a _guy_."

"A very attractive guy with delicious long legs and intense eyes."

Rave's face heated up. "You're a pig. Get away from me."

"Let me know if you change your mind about going out, baby."

"Fat chance of that happening," Rave mumbled as he turned and crossed the street.

* * *

Rave was just having that kind of day. The day where you run into every passerby ever and wonder why the hell you're so damn clumsy today (Side note: Me yesterday). But of course, as luck would have it, he was running into all the wrong people.

Not fifteen minutes after narrowly escaping death, he collided head on with a woman who'd been running in the opposite direction. And said woman just happened to be the cat owner from yesterday. Said owner also happened to smash the cup of hot coffee against Rave's chest, not only burning his chest but also ruining his shirt and favorite scarf.

"FUCK!" he wailed. "SHIT. UGH. FUCKING HELL THAT'S HOTTER THAN SATAN'S NIPPLES!"

"Oh dear," Adeline said. "I'm so, so sorry young- Oh, you're the nice young man from yesterday! James, was it?"

"What's it to you?" he snapped. "Look what you did! If you hadn't been in such a goddamned hurry, I wouldn't be bathing in hot lava. FUCK! You fucking idiot! First you send me home without a jacket or anything soaking wet! I mean, I helped your fucking cat! I deserved more than good fucking fortune! And now here you are again ruining my shit. You're fucking lucky it didn't get on my script or you'd really see me pissed bitch!"

"I apologize," she said calmly. "There's no need to shout. I'll get you a brand new scarf, identical to that one."

"I didn't get this scarf from a store! It was a gift from my mother before she died!"

"You underestimate my powers, darling."

"What are you, crazy? You don't have magic! All you have is, like, schizophrenia or something! Fucking whack job go back to the institution you crawled out of!"

Her mouth fell open. "If you don't apologize to me for that right now, I'll curse you. I'll make you regret your actions. I will!"

"Whatever lady," he said, waving her off as he turned to walk away. "Fuck off."

As he walked by, she grabbed his arm, and he hissed as cat-like claws sunk into his skin.

"_I warned you_," she whispered in his ear.

And she was gone.

Rave looked around, not able to believe his eyes. The woman really had disappeared into thin air.

* * *

Author's Note: DUN DUN DUN. Short chapter, I know. The symptoms begin in the next chapter. I LOVE KITTIES AH!


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note: You guys know how I love my references :3 Any Scott Pilgrim fans in the house? First reviewer to spot it gets a oneshot of their choice :D

Chapter 3

**~Wednesday: Two days till incident~**

It wasn't the alarm clock that woke Rave. It was Rave's roommate Wallace. And he looked concerned, which was an accomplishment because Wallace's only facial expression is sarcastic. That's okay, though, because Rave's only facial expression is pissed. But what wasn't okay was that he was currently being deprived of sleep.

"What the hell, Wallace," he grumbled.

"You were, uh, muttering about catnip and yarn in your sleep," Wallace said. "It was kinda freaking me out. Do I need to call Dr. Paxton?"

Rave bristled. Dr. Paxton. How he despised that horrible devil of a man. He's a psychiatrist, but a bad one. He used to work in an institution so his solution to everything is drugs, drugs, drugs. Once Rave figured that out, he stopped seeing the quack doctor.

"I told you never to say the P-word," Rave snarled, pulling the covers over his head.

Wallace rolled his eyes. "Yeah, well, I also got a text from Edd. He can't run lines with you tonight. Kevin needs help with French and anatomy."

The actor uncovered his head, and smirked. "Kevin isn't in either of those classes."

Wallace shook his head, his dark brown hair falling in his eyes. "Those two, I swear. Always going at it. You know, last week in...chemistry...uh, Rave, what are you doing?"

Without even realizing it, Rave had started licking the back of his hand and smoothing it against his hair. In the same manner a cat would groom itself. The actor raised an eyebrow at his hair, and quickly put it down.

"It's, um, been a long week."

"Uh-huh. Well, I'm off. Gotta get started on my early morning buzz or I'll never make it through sociology. Don't wait up."

Grabbing his coat, Wallace was gone. And Rave instantly passed out.

* * *

This time it was the alarm clock that woke Rave. With an "oh fuck me" and a good stretch, he drug himself out of bed to get ready for class.

Now, Rave had a few shortcomings that morning. He hadn't noticed, though, because they felt normal. But for a human, they weren't.

He started grooming himself in the shower for instance. He also scratched an itch against his bedpost and purred.

What made Rave finally notice he was doing anything was when he coughed up a hairball in his first class. He went to the nurse after, but she didn't find anything out of the ordinary.

After his classes were over, he went to get a coffee, thinking that maybe he was just tired and the hairball incident hadn't happened. Setting his stuff down in his usual spot, he sipped at the hot beverage. He was about to get out his human studies book to get some work done, when the bane of his existence sat down across from.

"Okay, I'm gonna be real with you, all right?" Nat said, looking completely serious. "I know I come on really strong. I don't mean to, but that's what happens when I really like someone. That's right, I like you a lot. Ever since I saw you at orientation and helped you when your bag fell open. I'm crazy about you, so please just give me a chance."

Rave didn't want to give him anything. He just wanted him to leave. But as he opened his mouth to voice that, the strangest sound came out. He hissed at Nat.

Nat's mouth fell open. "Did you just hiss at me?"

Rave hung his head, face bright red. He wasn't imagining it, he'd really hissed at him.

"Dude, you need to get help," the teal head said gently. "Do you need me to help you get to the school's psychologist or..."

The actor didn't let him finish, he just got up and walked himself.

* * *

"This morning I groomed myself like a cat, I coughed up a hairball, and just a few minutes ago I even hissed at someone," Rave explained to Dr. English. "I've been acting like a cat all day. Am I insane, doc?"

The psychologist pushed up her glasses, reviewing her notes. "I believe it's just stress, Mr. Bartlett. Nothing a little rest won't fix. Why don't you go back to your dorm, relax, get a good night's sleep, and I'll let your teachers know that you won't be in class for the next couple days. If anything else happens, let me know."

Rave nodded. "Thank you, Dr. English."


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Note: Here's some responses to comments!

Fomalhaut: Well hey if some bitch sent you home soaked in rain after you'd just saved her cat then ruined a beloved item of yours, wouldn't you overreact? I know I would haha but then again I have anger problems too XD

Missdellusion: Haha silly Rave pissing off witches

Guest: These chapters are a bit short, but they'll get longer don't worry!

Hananoai: They're not really OOC when you think about it. Rave's pissy and Nat's perverted what you want from me! And I've got a funny role in here for the Eds hehe just you wait.

* * *

Chapter 4

**~Friday~**

Taking Dr. English's advice, Rave went home and straight to bed. He slept all through the night, and woke up feeling refreshed. He showered, had breakfast, and went over his script. Then he did the same the next day! He was really enjoying his break.

It wasn't until late in the day that Rave figured out something was wrong. He got a really bad headache while watching a movie on his laptop, and brought his hand up to rub it. It felt like something was trying to burst out of his skull.

And really, something was. He felt a pair of bumps on his head.

He sprang up and ran to the mirror, brushing his hair away and gasping as he noticed cartilage coming out of his skin. As if ears were forming there. Pointed, triangular ears.

Rave also had a pain in his lower back, and was afraid of what he'd see if he checked. But he did anyway. It was a tail. A tail was growing from his skin, producing tufts of fur.

"Fuck," he muttered.

And he knew why this was happening. He didn't want to admit it until now. He knew why that kitten had run away from Adeline. He knew why he felt uneasy when she grinned at the cat like that.

And he was about to experience it firsthand. Rave was becoming a cat himself. He had to fix this.

Slipping on a pair of shoes, a trench coat to hide his rapidly forming tail, and a fedora to hide the ears, he set off in search of the witch.

* * *

"What do I have to do?" Rave pleaded. "I'll do anything. Please! Stop me from turning into a cat!"

Rave had shown up at her door, obviously hiding his newfound accoutrements. Adeline had tried to shut the door in his face, but he pushed past her, not taking no for an answer.

"I don't think I can do that," she said smugly. "I'm off my rocker, remember?"

He sighed. "Look, ma'am, I'm really sorry. Just... What did you even do to me?"

She chuckled. "I cursed you, sweetheart. Say goodbye to your life as you know it because karma doesn't forgive. Should've gotten anger management classes when you had the chance."

"I'm sorry! I really am! Just please!"

"You don't mean it, child. You'd do it again."

She grabbed his wrist, yanking him toward a locked door. Grabbing the key off the hook next to the doorframe, she unlocked it and shoved him inside, turning on the light.

"Take a good look, James Bartlett! This here is your future!"

And Rave did just that. His jaw fell open as he took in the rows of cages full of skinny, filthy cats all rotting away in their cage-like feline bodies. All of them undoubtedly people she'd cursed. And he was next.

Distracted by his gawking, he flinched when Adeline slammed the door shut and locked it. He turned and beat at the door, screaming at the top of his lungs to be let out, and receiving no answer. Giving up, he sighed and slumped against the door. Rave was truly fucked.

* * *

Rave sat against the door for awhile, counting the seconds going by as he rubbed at his ever-growing ears. He'd given up, and the cats knew it as well. They decided it was time to help him.

One, an old, grey-haired cat, started meowing and scratching at the shelf under her to get Rave's attention. The actor looked up, and approached her.

"What is it?" he asked the cat, even though he knew she couldn't speak.

The old cat lifted her paw and pointed it to a corner. Rave turned, and spotted a small vent in the wall.

"You gotta be fucking kidding me," he groaned. "I'm not gonna fit through there. Are you out of your mind?"

The cat seemed to roll her eyes, and she gestured more persistently toward the vent.

"Ugh fuck! Fine! But you watch it won't work!"

What Rave had failed to notice, though, was that he was gradually getting smaller. He took the grate off the vent, and muttered a "yes!" as he crawled through.

He came out in a laundry room, and decided against going back for the cats just yet. He'd be back though. He'd have to anyway.

* * *

Running home, he could feel himself gradually shrinking and getting furrier. He could feel the clothes falling off of him, but he didn't worry because the fur was covering his privates as well.

Soon he was on all fours, clothes gone, and each "excuse me" and "pardon" he spoke as he wove past pedestrians came out as a meow. His fluffy black tail waved in the wind, and now, in his current size and state, it would take even longer to reach his dorm.

Unfortunately, he knew a certain flirty teal head who had an apartment in this part of town. He only knew that because Edd and Kevin are his roommates.

Standing in front of the door to their apartment, Rave knew he had no choice.

* * *

Author's Note Part Deux: Originally I had intended for Rave to just wake up as a cat. I didn't plan for Adeline to lock Rave up, but it was a nice turn of events yeah?

For the first time ever, I'm going to do a "next time on" okay? *deep breath* Okay guys here we go!

NEXT TIME ON THE CAT'S MEOW!

Nat gushes, Edd faints, Kevin nearly steps on a certain kitty cat, and Ed and Eddy want to strap a bottle rocket on Rave! Tune in to the next exciting installment of The Cat's Meow!

*whispers* That was fun :3


	5. Chapter 5

Author's Note: To Morning Kickass, yes the reference is just Wallace. Would you like a oneshot? :)

Chapter 5

Kevin and Edd were on the couch, the nerd on top, tongues fighting for dominance. A calloused hand slipped beneath a sweater, and Edd shivered.

"Cold!" the ravenette whispered against panting lips.

"Well then, let's warm you up, hmm?" Kevin said huskily.

"OH MY GOD!"

The two flew off each other, Edd screaming that they weren't doing anything, as Nat hurried into the room.

"WHO CARES ABOUT YOUR SEX-CAPADES!" the teal head screeched, aggravating a certain feline's newly sensitive hearing. "LOOK WHAT I FOUND ON THE DOORSTEP."

Nat held up a fluffy black kitten with deep brown eyes, and all hell broke loose.

"You brought a filthy animal in here?" Edd questioned. "Do you not realize that is against the rules? We could be evicted!"

Rave glared as much as his cat face would allow. _[Excuse you! I'm cleaner than you are, Mr. Cum Dump!]_

"But Double Deeeeeeeee!" Nat whined. "He's sooooooo cuuuuuuuuute."

Edd rolled his eyes. "That may be, however-"

Kevin stepped in. "Hey, guys, come on. Edd, sweetheart, it's just a kitten. He didn't bring in rats. Everything will be fine."

The nerd, never one to say no to his redheaded lover, sighed. "Keep that animal out of my room."

_[Like I'd want to go near your lair. It probably smells like debauchery in there.]_

Nat squealed. "THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!"

Rave groaned internally, which came out as a low growl.

The teal head held the kitten up to his face, and Rave had to fight back the urge to claw his eyes out. "Was that your tummy? Are you hungry, little fella?"

While the fluff ball didn't feel like eating, he did see this as an opportunity to figure out a plan of action. Therefore, he swallowed his pride, and made himself look as desperate and adorable as possible.

"Awwww," Nat cooed. "I'll see what we have, you wittle cutie face."

_[Cutie face? What the fuck?]_

Nat set him on the floor, and Kevin and Edd ran off to Edd's room. Shaking his head, Rave looked around the room. How could he get Nat to see it's him? His eyes fell on a laptop on the kitchen table. It was open and on, forgotten and showing a Word document left blank.

The only problem here is that the laptop's three feet off the ground and Rave is only about five inches tall.

_[Shit.]_

The kitten clumsily made his way onto the chair, and stretched up to the table, hoisting himself up. Positioning himself before the computer, and reached out and began typing with his paws.

"Kitty, what are you doing?" Nat asked, hurrying into the room with a bowl of tuna. "Kitties can't type, you silly willy."

Mid-sentence, Rave felt himself be snatched up and set on the floor before the tuna.

_[What the fuck is this? Tuna? Nat you motherfucker I oughta...but it smells good...mmm...fish...WAIT NAT LOOK.]_

Nat was about to go into the living room, when he heard the kitten meow loudly. "What's the matter?"

Rave continued to meow, pointing a dainty paw toward the laptop.

The teal head, flustered by the display, turned his head toward the laptop. What was up with this cat? "It's like you want me to look at the screen..."

Rave nodded rapidly, and Nat's eyes widened. "What the hell? Are you nodding at me?"

The cat continued to nod. Nat was freaking out; he had to see that screen. He sat down at the laptop, and read the messily-typed message. "'Nat help it's me Rave a witch turned me into a cat and even though I fucking hate you you were the closest person not sucking face in the room' What the fuck? How did you even type all this before I got back?"

Rave rolled his large eyes. _[Yeah, that's your issue here. HELLO I'M A FUCKING CAT!]_

"I knew something seemed familiar about the way you looked," Nat said thoughtfully, picking Rave up and setting him in front of him on the kitchen table next to the laptop. "Start from the beginning. I wanna know everything."

Rave sneered internally, and typed, _[godamnt moron this isnt share crcle or wtver fuckin hlp me get back to nrml]_

Nat laughed. "You type surprisingly well considering you don't even have fingers. No doubt about it, it's you, Rave. You're as impatient and sailor-mouthed as always."

_[fck yu]_

"Now, now, let's be civil. Let me get Kev and Edd in here and we'll find a way to help you."

* * *

Rave shook his head. _[Somehow I knew this would happen.]_

Upon hearing that Rave was a cat and reading the evidence, he ended up lying on the floor unconscious. Kevin, who was taking the news a little better, fanned his fallen boyfriend.

"That's not possible," Edd muttered, opening his eyes.

"You saw for yourself," Nat reasoned. "It really is him."

Kevin scooped up Rave. "How the hell? It really isn't possible but here he is. He's definitely feisty like Rave." The redhead hissed when the cat bit him as hard as he could.

_[Put me down, oaf! I'm not feisty! But I'll fucking show you feisty!]_

Kevin set the pissed off kitty down and rubbed his bleeding thumb. "Ass."

"Now tell us what happened?" Nat urged the kitten.

The cat sighed, which came out as a hiss, and set about typing everything from the day he met the witch. Once he was finished, Kevin just whistled.

"You pissed off a witch?" he asked with a laugh. "That's pretty hardcore."

"You know what might change you back?" Nat offered slyly. "True love's first kiss." He puckered his lips.

_[Id rathr stay a cat thn go anywher near ur nsty pie hol]_ Rave typed.

"Pfft whatever tease," Nat pouted.

"So what shall we do?" Edd asked.

Just as Rave was about to type, the door burst open.

"HEY SOCKHEAD!"

* * *

Author's Note Part Deux: Cliffhanger :3 But I think we can all guess who came through the door hehe

Also the badly written parts in the brackets were Rave's attempt at typing. The well-written dialogue in the brackets were Rave's thoughts.


	6. Chapter 6

Author's Note: The reason Nat wasn't too shocked about Rave being a cat is because he's just really chill about everything. In my story, anyhow. Just a little note or those who noticed it.

Enter Ed and Eddy! Man, I loved writing their dialogue. Watching Ed, Edd, n Eddy a shitload of times really did pay off in the end.

(Oh, and to Gnarradical, who mentioned Hocus Pocus: Omg I didn't even realize but I love you so much for pointing that out! Here's a cookie! And I dig your story Latch you keep it up :D)

Chapter 6

"What is it Eddy we're in the middle of something," Edd stated with mild annoyance.

Ed and Eddy ambled in, Eddy with his hands shoved in his pocket and his trademark sneer and Ed with no idea what was going on as usual.

"What could possibly be important than quality time with your two favorite people, Double D?" the shorter demanded.

The taller was currently jumping around. "You promised we'd go see KALONIS OF THE FIFTH DIMENSION PIRATE HUNTERS!"

"Damnit, Ed, we're going to fucking see Nightmare On Elm Street," Eddy said, then turned to Edd and clarified, "It's classic horror night at the movie theater on Seventh and Stailing."

"BUT EDDY!" Ed protested, lower lip jutting out pitifully.

Eddy groaned and looked away from the gentle giant. "Oh gag me! You wanna go see it, right Sockhead?"

"I don't even like horror movies, Eddy," the nerd pointed out. "Not after we watched the one about sacrificing virgins and Ed almost killed me to raise Evil Tim."

The shrimp shrugged. "He just had too much sugar."

"And I ate my veggies the next day!" Ed announced.

Kevin joined in, hugging the ravenette from behind. "Besides, you don't need to worry. You're not a virgin, baby, I'd know." He winked and Edd blushed.

"AND WHO ASKED YOU, BAZOOKA CHIN!" Eddy shouted. "God, you two are fucking nasty. It HAAAAD to be Kevin. You couldn't have dated someone nice like that guy in your Advanced Trictomyology class-"

Edd interrupted him. "That's Trigonometry, Eddy."

"Same diff," he said, waving the other off. "Hey, what's that? Is that a cat?"

"KITTY!" Ed squealed. "KITTY-CATS PURR EDDY!"

_[Oh hell.]_

"Glad to know he finally knows the difference between cats and rabbits," Edd muttered, recalling the time Eddy dressed him as a rabbit and left him to be harassed by Ed.

"I hate cats!" Eddy said, ignoring Edd. "Almost as much as I hate birds. Let's strap it to bottle rocket and see if we can get it to the moon."

Rave glared. _[How about fuck you?]_

"That's not physically possible Eddy," Edd explained. "A bottle rocket wouldn't have enough mass or power to carry the weight of a kitten farther than-"

"NOT MY POOKIE!" Nat whined, cutting Edd off. "This is not a cat, it's a human being. A beautiful one at that."

Eddy stared at Nat like he had a third eye. Ed just meowed and groomed himself, imitating a cat.

Rave shook his head at Ed. _[That's offensive, you know.]_

"Did you just say the cat is a person?" Eddy questioned the teal head. "Are you okay? Can you tell me what year it is?"

"It's two-thousand-and-fuck-you Eddy," Kevin answered for him. "He's telling the truth. Rave pissed off a witch and got turned into a kitten."

The shrimp looked at Edd expectantly.

"It's true, Eddy," the sockhead clarified.

"Alright then," Eddy said warily. "So that's...Rave? Like, Rave Bartlett?"

Edd nodded. "Correct."

Eddy stared at Rave for a moment, then said, "I still say we strap him to a bottle rocket. Who's in?"

_[How about I shove a bottle rocket up your fucking asshole?]_

"Awww Rave's fur is standing on end," Nat said cheekily, picking the kitten up and cuddling him. "He's so cute when he's angry."

_[Go chew on broken glass you motherfucker.]_

"You better not be cussing me out in your head, Rave," he scolded, as if having read Rave's mind.

_[You can't hear me anyway you piece of shit.]_

"Alright, enough funny business," Edd said. "I'll go with Ed and Eddy, if for no other reason than to make sure they don't injure our little friend with low-grade fireworks."

"Weak," Eddy groaned.

Edd continued. "Nat and Kevin, you two take Rave and try to reason with the witch."

"How?" Kevin asked.

"Don't worry," Nat said. "I have a plan."

* * *

"How may I help you?" Adeline asked, standing in her doorway delighting in the sight of the two handsome boys before her.

"Can you turn our friend back into a person?" Nat asked, holding up Rave. "Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?"

She sneered, and shut the door in his face.

Kevin shook his head. "What the fuck kind of plan was that?"

The teal head pouted. "It would've worked if she were nice."

"If she were nice, Rave wouldn't be a cat, pie-for-brains."

"Hey...what kind of pie? Fuck, now I want pie."

"Just come on. We'll think of something else."


	7. Chapter 7

Author's Note: Kevin and Nat go on the offensive. Things are about to get good :3

Also I hope you get a good laugh from the part where I make fun of myself XD

Chapter 7

"Tell me again how this plan is better than mine?" the teal head whined.

Nat stood on Kevin's shoulders trying to pry open one of Adeline's windows. Rave was assisting him in trying to unlock the latch in the pane, but the tiny paws really weren't helping the cause.

"We have a much higher chance of dying this way," Nat pointed out.

"Your plan could've gotten us killed too," Kevin hissed, trying to balance himself so they didn't topple. "Plus, now she knows we're here. Our chances are pretty shitty now thanks to your stupidity."

"Yeah whatever," Nat bit out. "Rave go into my pocket and grab my pocket knife."

_[Fuck that. I'm not going near your pants.]_

"I know you're cussing me out for asking you to go through my pants, but it's either that or being a cat forever. My cat forever."

_[Oh shit.]_

Rave started to climb down toward Nat's pants.

"Hurry, Rave, before I drop this fatass!" Kevin bit out.

The teal head gaped. "EXCUSE YOU!"

Rave stuck his paw into the front pocket, batting out the pocket knife. He wriggled his head through the chain that was attached to it to make it easier to carry, and climbed back up. Nat pulled the knife off, and looked through the small tools within it, uttering a small "Ha!" as he produced a can opener.

"Let's see if making a living out of watching spy movies has paid off," Nat said slyly.

The redhead knew what he was up to. "Oh please! That only works in a seventeen-year-old girl's fanfiction! Particularly one that is a massive anime-nerd-slash-math-genius-slash-gifted-writer. She's also really full of herself."

_[The hell is he babbling about?]_

He positioned the small, sharp point of the can opener against the glass, and carved out a circle. Rave closed his paws around the section before it could fall inside, and set it carefully on the windowsill.

"Shows what you know, huh Kev," the teal head said arrogantly.

"Whatever."

Rave hopped through the opening and unlocked the window, allowing Nat to pull the window up and wriggle his way up into the room. The cat hopped down onto Kevin's shoulder, and they put their plan into action.

When Nat heard Kevin knock on the front door and said door open, he began his search. The room he'd crawled into just looked like an ordinary room. A queen-sized bed, an armoire, a trunk, a thick layer of seven-hundred-year-old dust, and... a bookcase! Thanks to his twenty-three million hours of watching television since birth, Nat knew a thing or two about bookcases.

He looked out the window to make sure Kevin was keeping her at bay. What he saw made him whip out his phone.

"No way!" he snickered quietly.

* * *

Meanwhile, the redhead with a black cat perched on his shoulder like a parrot made his way to the front steps and knocked on the door. He was hoping Adeline wouldn't notice Nat was gone.

She opened the door. "What do you want now?"

"Look, whatever Rave did, I'm sure we can come to a compromise," Kevin reasoned. "Let's cut a deal. If you turn my friend back, I'll..." He trailed up, opening the floor for her to decide on her end.

She looked him up and down. "You're pretty good-looking. How about a night at my place?" She winked suggestively.

He paled. "Um...I don't think...I mean I'm..."

"Oh, come now," she purred. "I may be an older woman, but I'm still as good as I was in my youth. I used to be a dancer you know. I can get my leg so high..." She paused. "Wait a minute. Where's your friend?"

"What friend?" Kevin asked, feigning innocence.

"The green-haired one," she said, eyes narrowing.

She turned to go inside, but the redhead caught her arm.

"Wait, about your offer..."

"Let go of me. I know your friend-"

She was interrupted by Kevin smashing his mouth to hers. _Oh nasty,_ Kevin thought. _Now I remember why I'm gay. Damnit her lipstick is getting all over my face and she tastes like the eighteen-hundreds!_

The woman responded immediately, throwing her arms around Kevin and leaning into the kiss. This only made the redhead want to run away more, but it was either this or being cursed/killed by a witch.

He could've sworn he saw a camera flash.

Rave, disgusted by the scene before him, had long since hopped off Kevin's shoulder. He made his way through the house, back to the room full of cats.

He looked around for the key, overjoyed to find it already in the lock just waiting to be turned and unlocked. That joy lasted a total of seven seconds before he realized that the doorknob was three feet off the ground and there was nothing to climb.

_[Fuck me, universe. Just fuck me.]_

* * *

It took about eight books for Nat to find the secret passage. And holy shit, was he surprised that it actually worked. He hoped Kevin could make out with that old lady long enough for him to find...

Wait. What was he even looking for?

Shaking his head, he looked around the small hidden room, noting all the potions and books. She's a witch alright. No doubt about that.

One book in particular caught his attention.

"'_Payback: A Complete Anthology On The Bestowal And Removal Of Curses_,'" he read. "If that ain't a sign, I don't know what is."

* * *

_[Never have I hated anyone so much as I fucking hate that witch.]_

Rave was pushing a chair toward the door. A heavy wooden one. Why's that important? Well imagine trying to pushing a heavy wooden chair across a hardwood floor. Now imagine trying to do it without alerting a woman about ten feet away. Now imagine doing it as a two-pound kitten.

Sounds difficult right?

Rave's progress was entirely too slow. Adeline had to get tired of making out with Kevin eventually...

...Right?

He checked on the two, grimacing as much as his cat face would allow when he spotted Adeline still mercilessly ravaging Kevin's face. Man, could that poor jock really take one for the team. Even if he did look like he was about to puke.

Maybe he did have plenty of time.

Somehow, Rave managed to push the chair up to the door without alerting anyone to his presence. He hopped up and turned the key, and nearly jumped out of his skin when he found the door already unlocked and not even fully closed.

Rave stomped up and down on the chair. _[What. The. Fuck. I pushed this chair for nothing.]_

Eventually, he got past his tantrum, and pushed the door fully open. Man, was he glad the door opens in. He didn't think he could pull this heavy ass thing. He could barely push it.

He hurried into the room, and looked around.

_[Look, it's the boy!]_

_[He came back for us!]_

A chorus of voices he could finally understand met Rave's ears.

_[Quiet everyone!]_ he yelled over them. _[Alright, my friend is finding something to cure us as we speak. My other friend is distracting the witch.]_

_[How is he distracting her?]_ someone asked.

_[Well, he, uh...]_ Rave stuttered.

The cats who could see out to the front door were snickering.

_[Anyway, we gotta get out of here. Come with me back to their apartment. Hopefully Nat found a way to cure us and we'll all get back to normal soon.]_

Everyone murmured excitedly as Rave went to work unlocking all the cages. And that was when he finally realized he'd called Nat and Kevin his friends. He cringed. He'd called Nat in particular his friend.

Ew.

* * *

With a waistband full of as many potions as he could carry and an arm full of book, Nat made his way back to the bedroom and put all the books back, including the trick book that closed the passage.

It wasn't until he was about to jump out the window that he remembered he was two stories up and his only landing option was concrete sidewalk. With his brittle-as-hell bones he was sure to shatter his ankles.

"Some plan, Kevin," he muttered to himself. "How the hell am I supposed to get out of here?"

Looking out at the side of the building, he noticed some missing bricks in the structure.

"It's not a great plan, but it'll have to do."

* * *

Rave finished freeing all the cats, and he led them upstairs to the room Nat had crawled into. He wasn't in there anymore, so that was a good sign.

_[Why are we up here?]_ one of them asked.

_[Because it'd be pretty fucking hard to get forty cats out a door with a woman in front of it. Plus, the drop from here isn't too bad. We're cats we can land it.]_

He stepped up to the window to prove his point, but an older cat blocked his path.

_[Now, now, young one,]_ he said. _[I wouldn't do that. The drop's too far for a cat as little as yourself. I'll carry you.]_

Before Rave could protest, the cat clamped his onto the skin on the back of his neck and leapt out the window. When they reached the ground, the cat dropped Rave and the kitten glared.

_[That fucking pinched, old man.]_

He just chuckled.

* * *

Nat did not expect it to rain cats. As a result, as he was about halfway down to the ground, he ended up getting scared shitless by the sudden change in weather and falling on his back. And he fell about six feet, so yeah it hurt.

He groaned, quietly due to the fact that there was a witch not far away eating Kevin's face, and rubbed the back of his head.

A light weight landed on his chest, and he opened his eyes to find Rave perched on his chest sniffing at his face.

_[You doing okay there, Goldberg?]_

Nat giggled quietly as the tiny nose tickled his chin, and scooped up Rave. He took off toward his apartment, trailed by a stampede of cats. His back hurt like hell from the drop, but when you're running like a bat out of hell from a crazy witch, that doesn't really matter too much.

* * *

Kevin, hearing the shuffle of feet running away, took that as his cue.

"You know what, I gotta go," he said, prying his mouth away. "But, uh, you call me?"

He walked off, trying to look innocent and not-violated, and broke into a run when he heard her door close.

Adeline leaned against the door happily, then frowned. "Wait...I didn't even get his number. Or his name for that matter. Shit."

Author's Note Part Deux: Phew, that was a bit long. But hey ARMY OF CATS.


	8. Chapter 8

Author's Note: A little background on the little girl in this chapter: She and her mom were both turned into cat's because her mom had an affair with Adeline's fourth husband. Therefore, Adeline cursed the woman and her daughter, who was born of her husband, and she killed the cheating man.

Chapter 8

"NATHAN KEDD GOLDBERG!"

Edd came home from his day with his friends to find the apartment full of cats. One kitten was one thing, forty cats is entirely another.

"Yes, my pretty?" Nat asked, standing next to the counter in a witch hat holding Adeline's book of curses.

"I said ONE cat not FORTY-ONE, Nathan!" Edd informed him. "This is preposterous! Someone is sure to notice this armada of filthy felines!"

"_We resent that,_" came a mechanical voice.

"Who said that?" Edd asked.

"Rave did," Nat said, jerking his thumb toward his laptop. "He found a new toy. The text-to-speech thing. He's getting really good at typing too. I can understand his words now."

"_Damn straight,_" clarified the monotone voice. "_And Edd, if you don't stop referring to us as filthy, I will end your life._"

"I am sorry," Edd said meekly, then turned to Nat. "Why are you wearing a witch's hat, Nathan?"

"Being in character," the teal head grinned. He erupted into a witch's cackle, and all the cats yowled.

"_What did I tell you about doing that?_" Rave said. "_All of these cats have trauma when it comes to witches. When I'm normal, I'm so gonna kiss you!_"

Nat's mouth fell open.

Rave typed quickly. "_I meant kill! Fucking autocorrect!_"

"_Ohhhhhhhh_ no! You said kiss!" Nat leafed through the pages quickly. "Where is that damn cure!"

"At least he is now working faster," Edd said.

"_Fuck you Edd,_" Rave said. "_Get me some goddamn tuna._"

Edd squealed as he was lifted bridal style by Kevin, who said, "I'll help you."

"Kevin made out with an old lady!" Nat called after them.

"KEVIN!"

"I was taking one for the team!"

* * *

"Eureka!" Edd called out.

It was midnight, and everyone had fallen asleep except for the sockhead. He, Nat, and Rave were all doing research but the teal head and the kitten had conked out. With an abrupt snore, Nat was up, muttering something about tortillas. The movement of him waking woke Rave up; the kitten had curled up in the crook of his neck.

"Awwwww," Nat squeaked, noticing the fluff ball. "You can stay there if you want, you cutie pie."

Rave, not in the mood to move anyway, just stayed where he was and went back to sleep.

"Alrighty then, professor, what did you find?" Nat asked Edd.

"The antidote," Edd explained. "I'm going to go through those potions you acquired. You stay here; if you move, you'll disturb Rave."

Nat nodded slightly, and Edd left the room. Once he was gone, the teal head peered down at Rave. He looked so peaceful and cute. Nat wondered if he looked that way sleeping as a human.

"I'm sorry this happened to you, Rave," he whispered to the sleeping form. "But I'm sort of glad because...well...now I get to spend so much time with you and help you. I always came on strong and you hated me, but I hope once you're human again we'll be on better terms. Because I really like you. I think you're beautiful, and I just want you to like me."

Nuzzling his nose in Rave's fur just once, he laid his head back and went back to sleep.

The kitten opened his eyes and looked at Nat, surprised to have heard him say those things.

_[Maybe you're not so bad. After this is all over, I might just let you take me out.]_

And then Rave truly fell asleep.

* * *

"Single file, everyone," Edd instructed. "Take a towel please."

Nat opened his eyes, flinching a bit at the morning sun shining on his face. He looked around, eyes widening when he noticed several people standing around in towels.

"I take it you just got, um, de-catted?" Nat asked groggily.

An older woman nodded. "Yes, your genius friend figured out the antidote."

Edd appeared in the kitchen, and instructed Nat to find everyone clothes. He nodded, and was about to get up when he remembered the sleeping mound on his shoulder. Only now, Rave was nowhere to be found.

"Hey, where's Rave?" Nat asked the nerd.

Edd blinked. "I believed him to still be perched on your shoulder."

"Rave?" Nat called. "Hey Rave!"

"He's gone," whispered a small blonde girl in a towel. "I heard a noise in the middle of the night and came to check it out. I heard Rave hissing as Adeline carried him away, and I was about to get help but she heard me and knocked me out. When my mother woke me up, she said Edd found the antidote, so I quickly got turned back so I could tell you guys what happened."

"Oh my God," Nat said, growing pale. "That psycho witch has Rave! She'll kill him!"

"Calm down, man," Kevin said, patting him on the back. "Grab your coat. We're gonna get him back."

Nat nodded.

"May I come as well?" Edd asked.

Kevin looked at his boyfriend for a minute, then smiled. "Yeah. And get the Eds. Get Eddy to bring the bottle rockets he's been going on about."

Edd whipped out his cell phone and started dialing. Nat pulled on his black pea coat and Converse, and Kevin scammed a lighter.

"Let's get my kitten back," Nat said.

* * *

Author's Note Part Deux: Will they make it to Rave in time? Will Rave fall for Nat? Will Kevin have to take one for the team again? WHO THE FUCK KNOWS BECAUSE I DON'T! :3

Well stay tuned because we're getting Rave back in the next chapter. I mean, maybe. He might be dead. (Don't say that, author! *cries*) Okay okay, just stop crying. It's not my fault if he dies. Well I'm writing this so it actually would be. But I don't wanna make myself cry so let's try for living kitties shall we?


	9. Chapter 9

Author's Note: Review Response Time!

Fomalhaut: The glass-cutting thing really works? Well I'll be damned! And damn you cats can't be naturally purple! As cute as that would be hehe :3 Also there's a reason she took ONLY Rave. There's a method to my madness ;)

Missdellusion: I don't watch Supernatural myself (I missed Season 1 so I just said screw it) but my best friend Shannan freaked over your references. She loves you for those jokes XD Also, you don't have forty towels just laying around? Lol seriously though it's Edd! He's aaaalways prepared duhhhhhh haha XD

And to the rest of you thanking me for updating and saying it's great and that I'm great, I love you guys to death! Thanks for supporting me you lovely, cheeky shits!

Chapter 9

_[Where the hell am I?]_

Rave had just woken up in a metal cage, and it was easy to figure out that he was no longer in the care of Nat, Kevin, and Edd.

And to be honest he couldn't decide if that was exactly a bad thing.

Except that it was once he figured out exactly where he was: In Adeline's house in the room once inhabited by cages upon cages of cats. But now it was just him. _Why?_

"Look who's awake," a voice purred.

Adeline walked into the room and leered into the cage. Rave bristled.

_[Fucking bitch. What do you want from me?]_

She chuckled. "Ah James, let's be civil. I can read your mind, so you better be nice."

_[Fuck nice! Why did you only take me?]_

"I only needed one, and you deserved it. You freed all of my captives, and for that, you'll be the sacrifice."

_[Wait, what? "Only need one"? "Sacrifice"? The fuck are you talking about?]_

She grinned maliciously. "You'll see, my lovely."

Outside, an explosion sounded, followed by a crash. The house shook slightly, making Adeline snap her gaze out the door. Rave wished he could see over her, but her next cry kind of gave the situation away:

"YOU ROTTEN KIDS! I PAID A FORTUNE FOR THOSE ARTISAN-CRAFTED WINDOWS!"

She left the room, slamming the door shut and leaving Rave in darkness. He laid down, closing his eyes. _Sacrifice..._ he thought. _I don't know what she's planning, but it doesn't sound good. If I don't get out of here, she'll fucking kill me. Damnit. I _had_ to piss off a witch. Great fucking job, Rave._

The door opened again, and he braced himself for the worst. However, when teal hair came into view, he nearly meowed with joy.

"I'm here for you, Rave," Nat whispered, quickly unlocking the cage. "The Eds and Kevin are distracting her. We gotta hurry."

_[I can't believe you came here to save me.]_

A shadow cast over the two, and Rave's eyes widened as he saw the witch strike Nat in the side with a metal baseball bat. The teal head fell against a stack of cages, groaning.

"No one steals from me, child," she snarled. "I'll have to hurry."

She reached into the opened cage and grabbed Rave, rushing out of the room and up the stairs. Nat rubbed at his head where he hit the cages, and rose to his feet, holding onto the wall.

"Fuck," he groaned. He whipped out his phone and sent an emergency text to Kevin and Edd.

[911 inside hurry]

The redhead burst through the front door, followed by Ed, Edd, and Eddy. He noticed Nat slumped against a table and ran to his aid.

"She took Rave and ran upstairs," Nat said, voice strained. "Help me up there, man."

"Dude, you should stay here," Kevin reasoned. "I don't think-"

"I'm going!" Nat pressed, trying to sound stronger than he felt. "Rave needs me. I won't let him down."

The redhead sighed, then crouched down so Nat could get on his back. Followed by the Eds, Kevin carried Nat up the stairs, following the teal head's memory of where her bedroom was.

The room was empty, but there was banging coming from inside the bookcase where Nat said there was a hidden room. He jumped down from Kevin's back, and hobbled to the bookcase, trying to remember which book activated the door.

The problem at hand solved, the quintet ran inside to be greeted by an even bigger problem. Rave was laying unconscious on a table, and Adeline was holding a vial of blood.

"What did you do?" Nat growled at her.

"Simple," she said, as if it were fucking obvious even though it wasn't. "I found a way to turn the entire world into a feline race with a smidge of blood from just one of my victims. A simple spell using this blood will send a frequency throughout all mobile devices in the world: cell phones, tablets, iPods, you name it. Once activated, that frequency will turn nearly everyone in the world into cats!"

"The fuck kind of plan is that?" Eddy muttered.

"Excuse me?" she spat.

"Actually, he has a point," Edd added. "What exactly do you have to gain from this plot of yours?"

"I just hate humans, okay!" she grumbled. "Cats are so majestic and perfect."

"Too bad they can't tackle a skank witch," Kevin said, smirking.

She raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"Let's go, Ed!"

Kevin and Ed tackled her to the ground, causing the vial of blood to roll across the floor. From there, it was an all-out brawl to reach the bottle, a much needed distraction.

Edd, Eddy, and Nat approached Rave's unconscious figure. He appeared to be alive, the trio noticed. Nat carefully picked him up, and nudged him. He wouldn't wake.

"Why won't he wake up?" Nat called to Adeline.

The witch, who was currently being held back from the vial by an arm, much like a small child trying futilely to reach an item kept out of their reach, looked up and smirked.

"It's a new curse I whipped up," she explained. "Even if you cure the cat curse, he won't wake up. He'll never wake up. That spell induces eternal sleep! Now you'll know how I feel! All of you! The love of my life was snatched away from me, like yours has now been, teal-head! HOW DOES THAT FEEL!"

"He's sleeping forever?" Nat asked, looking down at the bundle in his arms. "Like Sleeping Beauty?"

"Correct."

Nat laid Rave back down, tears pooling in his eyes. He shook his head, willing the tears not to spill.

The vial had been smashed, and Edd figured out which potion induced the deep sleep, giving it to Kevin to force-feed to Adeline. But none of that mattered to Nat, who was slumped over the table clutching Rave to his chest with care as if he were holding a broken China doll. He was sobbing pitifully, trying to find a solution but failing.

"I never even got the chance to be with you," he whispered into the black fur. "I never got the chance to...to tell you that I'm in love with you. And that I always have been. I never even got to kiss you."

He looked up at Rave's peaceful cat face, and laid a gentle kiss upon his tiny lips. He turned to the others to find them celebrating the defeat of the witch, and was about to join them. But he stopped dead in his tracks.

A human hand grabbed the back of his shirt.

"Nat," a raspy, unused voice called out.

The teal head spun around to find Rave sprawled out on the table, the remains of his cat body disappearing. The kiss had not only revived him, but also cured his cat curse.

"Rave!"

"What the hell?" Rave chuckled. "That 'true love's kiss' bullshit cured me. Damn you, Nat."

Nat shot forward and hugged the actor with all he had, kissing all over his face. Rave couldn't help but smile; having Nat shower him with affection was actually pretty nice. He hugged the teal head loosely around his waist, and craned his head this way and that so Nat had better access to his face and neck.

"Um, Rave?" Edd whispered.

Rave looked up at the nerd, who was gesturing down. The actor looked down and flushed; he was completely naked.

He pushed at the teal head. "Off, Nat! Get off! I'm fucking naked Nat get the hell off!"

"Not a chance, cupcake! I fucking love you!"

"GOLDBERG!"

"I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you!"

"_GOLDBERG GET THE FUCK OFF!_"

Kevin and the Eds just laughed at the scene before them.

* * *

Author's Note Part Deux: I'm not ending it here, fyi. It kinda feels like an ending but it's not XD


	10. Chapter 10

Author's Note: Alrighty guys. This here will be the last chapter of The Cat's Meow. Hope you guys enjoyed it and be sure to check out my other stories :)

Chapter 10

"That did not really happen."

Rave had told the whole story of his cat days to Dr. English, who had wanted a full report of his leave of absence. In fact, she was a bit concerned that the boy was having "fever dreams" of some sort. Maybe the stress had made him hallucinate.

"It did, ma'am," Rave assured her. "Just ask Nat Goldberg or Edd Vincent or Kevin Barr. They were all there. Ed Hill and Eddy Karlsen, as well."

She wrote down the names, intending to do just that. "And what happened to this 'witch' you mentioned."

"Well, I wasn't conscious at the time, but I believe Kevin said he fed her the potion she'd used to put me into eternal sleep. She's probably rotting away in the hidden room behind the bookcase where we left her."

"I still cannot fathom how any of this is possible, Mr. Bartlett."

"Neither can I to be honest with you."

* * *

"You're late, Nat."

Nat Goldberg stood in front of Rave's door, both well-dressed and staring each other down.

"I told you you could forget about this if you were late," Rave continued. "And I meant it."

The teal head rolled his eyes. "I'm not really phased by this hard-to-get act you're putting on, babe. I know you like me so let's get going. I made reservations."

The actor tried to hide his grin as he reached out to take Nat's outstretched elbow. Ignoring the looks from others in the dorm, they walked down to Nat's car, the teal head opening the door like a gentleman.

The drive was filled with Nat's monotonous babbling and Rave trying to drown out most of it. Boy, could the teal head talk.

Dinner was delicious, and Nat drove the long way home so the two could spend more time together. He even "got lost," which Rave didn't mind in the least. Especially when clothing ended up draped over seats and Rave was finally able to silence the chatterbox with his own tongue.

Eventually, Rave actually made it home, and Nat walked him up to his dorm. The actor turned to wrap his arms around the teal head in a hug. Nat was surprised; Rave had been acting dramatically nicer since the incident and he was actually glad everything had happened. He returned the hug, and the actor smiled.

"I had fun," Rave said shyly. "We'll have to do it again."

Nat leaned in and stole a kiss from those lips he loved so much. "No doubt. And next time maybe you'll last longer."

And as he walked away, he let out a chuckle at Rave's mortified response.

"GOLDBERG!"

* * *

Dates between the pair were frequent enough, even with the filming of Anderson LaBrey's film. That's right, Rave had gotten the lead role. Sadly, though, it wasn't quite the boost to stardom he was hoping for. He and Nat had found that out when they bought the first copy and holed up in Rave's dorm to watch it together.

"This movie really sucks," Nat muttered into violet hair.

Rave elbowed him, but even he couldn't argue with that. "It's not that bad."

"It doesn't do you justice and you know it."

"You're right about that. But a role is a role. This shitty movie could very well begin my career, you know."

"And if it doesn't, there's always option number two."

"Which is?"

Nat blushed. "I'm, uh, writing a screenplay myself."

Rave smirked. "You are not. Seriously? About what?"

"You. How you were turned into a cat. Based on a true story."

"As if anyone would believe that. Alright, Steven Spielberg, drop me a line then."

"'This is the story of how the love of my life was a total raging bitch until he pissed off the wrong people and learned to value life.' That's like the, um, synopsis." He chuckled.

"Sounds like it sucks ass."

* * *

But it didn't. It turned out to be the role that boosted Rave's acting career. It was a huge hit in the independent film industry, and became a featured at the Sundance film festival.

Soon after the movie's success died down a bit, Nat and Rave were married in their mid-twenties and the teal head, ever the sappy idiot, used his favorite quote from his own movie.

"If it hadn't been for that crazy witch, I'm pretty sure I'd have never won his heart."

* * *

Edd and Kevin are still dating. And the redhead needs to grow some balls and marry Edd. Because goddamn.

Eddy went to jail for tax fraud. Surprising no one.

Ed actually invented something and became a household name. It was a cat toy shaped like a bottle rocket, but hey, it was successful as hell. With his riches, he bailed Eddy out of jail, so looks like everybody's happy.

Dr. English actually quit her job to become a stripper. Huh.

Wallace is stalking actors and now living in an apartment with a geek in a band. La di da.

And Adeline? Well, she's still rotting away in that room. Hey, she's a bitch who ruined the lives of a shit load of people. No happy ending for her!

And they all lived- (_OKAY fuck no I'm not doing that cliched "happily ever after" bit. Goddamn it I do not get paid enough for this._) Um, The End.

* * *

Author's Note Part Deux: Yeah, I did kind of a "where are they now" type deal. Judge me. So I hope this was a good ending to the story. Endings are hard. So anyways, see you guys next time!


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